May Angels Lead You In
by ItssStephhhx33
Summary: After Lulu leaves Johnny, finding out about his involvment with Michael's shooting, they meet again at the town's mystery ball. What happens? Summary isnt that great. Story is alot better-I promise.
1. Hear You Me

_**Here you go guys! No more wait; A booming brand new Johnny and Lulu story! Enjoy-**_

_-FLASHBACK-_

**Lulu POV**

"The gas is spreading!"

I turned to Nickolas, who looked scared, nervous, and very, very helpless. Then, I felt something in my pocket vibrate. I took my phone out, and the phone number was Johnny's. I immediately flipped it open. I started to cry.

In my teary voice, I managed to say this; "Johnnythere'sapoisonousgas…in thehospital..I needyoutoknowthatIamsosorrybaby. I love you so much, and I wont die without you. Please Johnny--"

"LULU! What's going on?"

"I just need you to know that I love you, and I'm so sorry that I lashed out at you…I--"

"Oh my god, Lulu…"

"Wh-Where are you Johnny?"

"When I left, I got into a wreck…Maxie was involved. We're here in the garage. I will be there soon Lulu. I love you so much. Don't you dare leave me now, you hear me Lesley Lu Spencer? DON'T LEAVE ME!"

"Its spreading Johnny. I'm so s--careed."

"I know baby, its going to be okay. Just stay on the phone with me, okay baby? I swear to you, everything is going to be fine. I promise you Lulu."

"Johnnyy--"

"Lulu! You fight…you understand…you fight for us! Lulu!"

I was starting to feel dizzy, and I wasn't sure if this was the end.

"Johnny…I don't know how much longer--I can---"

"Stop it Lulu. You're fine. You got that? You are fine."

"Okay…I…I need to tell you something…if something…happens."

"Anything."

I started to sob even more intensely.

"Lulu, baby! I love you…do you understand me? You fight for us… Stay with me."

"What iff---baby…"

"No Lulu…you don't dare to think that way. You are fine! Lu, you can't leave me. Not after everything. Just…relax."

"I--cant!"

"Yes you can Lulu…and you will. Because I am not giving you a damn choice! You don't get a say in this! You fight!"

Then. Someone in a mask came over to us.

"Johnny…hang on."

I dropped the phone to my side.

"The exits are still blocked, but I need you all to put these on."

He handed us masks, and I put the phone back to my hear nervously.

"Johnny…baby…I need to go. Know that whatever happens that you will go on with your life…you wont give up. You got me Jonathan Zacharra?"

"Lulu--don't I love you."

I snapped the phone shut, and closed my eyes, and put on the mask.

**Johnny POV**

"NO! LULU! NO! STAY WITH ME! LULU?!"

DAMN IT!

I slammed the phone, and rushed past Maxie, and went out side…near my broken up car.

"Maxie…where are your damn keys?"

"Johnny, calm down, what's wrong?"

"There's something at the hospital, a poison in the air…people are dying Maxie….LULU IS NOT GOING TO BE ONE OF THEM! NOW GIVE ME THE GOD DAMN KEYS!"

Maxie froze, and handed me the keys breathlessly.

"Yes Maxie…let's go, we have to go, NOW!"

"Spinelli is probably there too. Oh my god, Johnny…what if they're--"

'SHUT THE FUCK UP MAXIE!"

She shut up rather quick, and I could see the hospital form where I was.

I put the car in park as quick as I could, and ran for the door, but they were locked.

I looked through the windows, and scanned the inside of the hospital frantically for Lulu.

The, I saw her, with Nickolas, Sam, and Spinelli.

I pounded the window hard as I could, and yelled out for her.

The FBI tried to pry me away, but I shook away fiercely.

She finally saw me.

I could see her face, red, and stained from crying.

She came over to the window, slowly, shakily. Oh god.

She put her hand to the window, and put her head down, crying more.

I pounded the window harder.

"No Lulu! Look at me!"

She looked up at me, and mouthed "I love you" And started to shake violently.

I just wanted to break the window, and hold her.

I didn't know I was crying, until I saw the window was wet. She wasn't going to die tonight…I wasn't going to let her.

"Stay with me"

She cried more intensely, and suddenly, fell to the floor.

I pounced my body and fists against the glace, screaming hard as I possibly could.

"LULU!"

I saw Nickolas rush to Lulu, and check her pulse. He looked up at me, and nodded. Thank god, she still had a pulse.

I saw his face wince, from his scream, and one of the men came over, and took Lulu into their arms, and carried her away. I hit the glass harder. GOD DAMN THIS FUCKING GLASS!

FUCK!

I turned to the FBI, and asked questions about the whole situation…then, I heard a knock behind me, and turned to Nickolas. He was holding a piece of paper. It read:

_John, Lulu is okay..for now._

_They have her in the room with the other collapsed people._

_It'll be alright. She'll pull through…for you._

I nodded, and just wanted to be with her.

Then, a tank like vehicle barged through the doors, and took out the remaining people.

An hour later, they were wheeling out the others. Like Lulu.

Then, I saw her. I tried to go to her side, but they wouldn't allow it. I pushed past them, and took her hand. She looked so horrible. She looked lifeless.

"You cant do this Lu, you have to fight."

They wheeled her away, and it was announced that all the surviors would be taken to Grace Hospital.

I followed with Maxie, in her car.

Once everything was a little more settled at the new hospital, I sat in the wating room wating for just…something…anything.

3 more hours passed, until a saw a tall, blonde doctor come around the corner.

Then, he announced "Lesley Lu Spener" And I immediately shot up, and went toward him.

I saw him sigh, and I got tense, and nervous.

"We did everything we could..but.."

"WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME?"

There was no possible way that he could be telling me that she was dead. She was fine…

"She's barely hanging on. She's slipped into a coma…I don't plan on seeing her waking up. Her lungs are filled with gases, and We are trying to drain them, then fill them with oxegyn, but you have to understand, that could risk any of her chances. But it is our only option."

"ONLY OPTION?"

"I am so sorry, we did everything we could."

"Are you telling me that my girlfriend is as good as...dead? HU?"

"I don't know---"

I dropped to my knees, and started sobbing uncontrollably. My head in my hands.

After I felt a hand on my shoulder, I got up, and he showed me to her room. She looked worse than any sick person I have ever seen. I tried not to believe what that doctor had told me.

I walked over to her bedside, and glanced at all the monitors, beeping, slowly.

I was shaking. I sat down beside her, and took her hand.

"You promised me Lulu. You promised me."

I lowered my head, and cried into her.

"You will come back to me…I'm not asking you Lu. I am telling you…okay?"

Nothing.

I just wanted to die.

Then, the door opened, and Lucky, and Nickolas came through the door. Their expressions looked close enough to mine.

I looked to them, then back to Lulu, stroking the back of her hand with my thumb.

They just stood in the doorway, not moving, Neither was I, and I didn't plan to.

Nickolas left, and Lucky came over to her other side, and dropped to his knees, and ran his hand through her hair.

_-END OF FLASHBACK-_

**(PRESENT)**

**Lulu POV**

We've been separated for exactly 7 months, 3 weeks, 23 days, and 4 minutes. I've kept a really close count. This was how I spent my days. Adding up how painful it was getting not to be with Johnny. I didn't even know where he was, and I shouldn't care. But I do, because I love him. I always have. I miss him more than I miss my mother, but I know that I cant never take him back ever.

It was a few weeks after the hospital went under quarantine that Johnny told me his involvement with my cousin's son Michael Corinthos. I keep telling myself to move on, and partially, I am trying. I have Ethan. He's the guy who my father made _friends_ with during the hospital crisis. I actually liked being around Ethan. He was between the mix of Milo, and Johnny. I needed a man like that, although, I wasn't so sure Ethan was a man. Up to the standards, anyways.

I heard the door open, and Ethan shot me a smile, and I walked over to him, and grabbed his shoulders.

"Hey Love."

"Hey."

He pulled away, and looked me in the eyes.

"We're going out tonight love."

I was confused.

"What? Where?"

"Well, of course, to the town's mystery ball. Go get ready love."

He hit my bum, and I walked away laughing as I heard him chuckle behind, me.

**Johnny POV**

Being away from Lulu for this long was completely killing me on the inside. I couldn't do this anymore. It was too long for us to be apart. I know Lulu hates what I've done, but I still think that maybe, just maybe, she still feels the same way. That's why tonight, I was going to Port Charles' Mystery Ball.

**Lulu POV**

I stood in front of the mirror, trying to get on my necklace. Unfortunately, It just wouldn't clasp.

I looked into the mirror, and met his face behind mine.

"Need some help love?"

"Yes, please."

I relaxed my shoulders, and he clasped my necklace for me, and kissed my collarbone.

"I love you."

"What did you say?"

"I-I'm sorry Lulu…"

"No, no, its okay, I'm just…not ready yet."

"That's quite alright love. Don't beat yourself up over it. It'll come eventually."

He left the room, and I opened up the jewelry box, and instantly saw that lightening necklace Johnny bought me for out 1 year together. I had taken it off for the first time the day I left him, and hadn't looked at it since. That is, until now.

I picked up the necklace, and replaced it with the silver diamond pendant I had on.

I went for the closet, and pulled out my long, blue topaz dress with the sequins on it. I was strapless, and puffed out at the feet, But clung onto every curve I possibly could show.

I pulled on my black stilettos, and took out the curling iron and switched it on, getting my make-up in order.

After I finished my makeup, I picked up the large barrel, and just slightly put my hair into very loose, long waves, and headed for the door.

I walked into the living room, finding Ethan sitting on the couch, sipping a beer. I sighed, and pried it from his hands.

"Get up, That's enough. Let's go."

**Johnny POV**

I finished putting my tie into place, and went into the bathroom, and took out the cologne Lulu bought me for my birthday and spritzed it.

I walked out of the bathroom, and hurried downstairs, into the hallway near the door, grabbed the keys, and headed out the door. I made my way over to the red mustang, and climbed inside, and backed up out of the driveway, and headed onto the road.

After about 2 hours of driving into Port Charles, I parked into the parking lot at the town's square, and quickly put on the black masquerade mask, and headed out the car door.

**Lulu POV**

"Ethan, what's going on?"

"What shall you mean love? I'm perfectly fine. I cant have a beer?"

"Ethan, that's not the point. We're going to a ball. You're supposed to be sober."

"Lesley. Love. Darling. It was one beer."

He reached for my cheek, but I put on the mask, and yanked open the car door, slamming it, and walking inside. Ethan would catch up eventually.

I walked through the door, and saw the beautiful place. It was decorated with crystals, and chandeliers, the spiral staircases were carpeted with a deep purple carpet, and a mahogany rail. The floor was made of pure marble, giving the women's stilettos a nice _clack _along the floor.

Then, I felt his hand around my waist, and I just continued walking, and finally entered the ballroom.

Everyone had masks on, and you probably couldn't tell who was who.

**Johnny POV**

I walked through the arch, not bothering to take in the beautiful place, and headed straight for the ballroom.

I walked further in, and just walked around, trying not to look lonely, or suspicious. I was determined to find her, and I didn't have any intention of leaving until I did so.

I walked over to the bar stools, and sat down, and glanced around. Then, I spotted her. Her long, blonde waves, swaying in the air as some guy twirled her thru the air.

I stood up from the stool.

I started walking towards her, and stopped about 10 feet away from where she was.

**Lulu POV**

I stood back on my two feet and hugged Ethan.

Then, I saw him, Well, not his face, but I knew it was him. I stared into the eye holes in the mask, and he gave my a sly smile.

Oh, how I wanted to just go over there, wrap my arms around him, and tell him I forgave him. But I couldn't.

I released my grip from Ethan, and I could feel his confused expression on his face glued to mine. But I ignored it, and slowly walked over toward him.

_There's no one in town I know You gave us some place to go.I never said thank you for that.__I thought I might get one more would you think of me now,so lucky, so strong, so proud?I never said thank you for that,now I'll never have a angels lead you you me my sleepless roads the sleepless angels lead you what would you think of me now,so lucky, so strong, so proud?I never said thank you for that,now I'll never have a angels lead you in. Hear you me my sleepless roads the sleepless angels lead you angels lead you angels lead you if you were with me tonight,I'd sing to you just one more time.A song for a heart so big,god wouldn't let it angels lead you you me my sleepless roads the sleepless angels lead you angels lead you you me my sleepless roads the sleepless angels lead you angels lead you in_

"Johnny?"

**WHAT DO YOU THINK?**

**CONTINUE?**

**STOP? **

**REVEIW!REVEIW!REVEIW!**


	2. Carnival

**I didn't get any reviews yet, so I've worked EXTRA hard on this chapter! Reward me for it by REVIEWING! THANKS.**

* * *

**Johnny POV**

"Johnny?"

I felt a wave of pain sear through my stomach. I felt sick, like a monster who just killed millions of people by just passing by.

I inched closer, and came into perfect contact with her form.

I put my fingers to her mask, and slowly inched it off of her, seeing her weary, teary eyes. She blinked a few times, and smiled at me.

"Johnny."

I pulled my mask off, and stared back to her immediately.

"Lulu.."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, and cried silently into my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist, and held her close, and extra tight.

I could feel my throat closing up around me. I couldn't breath. So I just decided to let go, and cried a tad.

She pulled back slowly, and just sobbed joyfully.

"I missed you so much Johnny."

"Lulu, I love you so much. I'm so sorry. What I did…I cant ever loose you again."

I watched her as she got tense, and her face shook a little, and she blinked more, probably trying to get her blurry tears out of her way of looking at me.

She inched backwards, and looked at me, pained.

"No, Johnny…I cant…I…"

I looked to the floor, and back to her, but she wasn't there.

I scanned the room frantically.

"LULU?"

I shouted, and paced throughout the room.

I exited the ballroom, and walked into the large entry-way.

"Lulu!"

I looked around, but saw nothing.

Damn it!

**Lulu POV**

I sobbed harder into my hands, and slammed my head against the wall.

"Love?"

I quickly wiped my tears away, and turned around, facing Ethan.

I smiled at him, and ran to him, and wrapped myself into him.

"I love you Ethan."

He smiled against me, and replied.

"I love you too love, but you don't have to say that…what's the matter Lulu?"

I backed up from him, and he massaged my shoulders, looking sympathetically at me.

"Johnny…he…I saw him…In the ballroom…He said…he loves me…I cant…Ethan."

I sobbed harder, and pulled myself into his tight chest.

He ran his hand in my hair, and whispered in my ear, trying to calm me down.

"Its alright love, Everything will be okay. I promise."

After we got home, I locked myself into the bedroom, and went for the phone, searching the phone directory frantically for the number.

**Johnny POV**

I went back to the car, and slammed my forehead into the steering wheel, and pulled the car into reverse, pulling out of the lot.

I drove into the road, and kept going, for miles, and miles. I needed to get away.

35 minutes later, I pulled up to the deserted Haunted Starr.

I got out of the car, and stepped onto the boat's platform, and rounded my way to the entrance, and stepped inside.

I looked around at the dark room, and walked over to where I automatically knew was the window, and yanked the drapes open.

I looked back into the room, and saw Lulu, in her form, where she was standing the first night we made love. I broke down, and fell to my knees.

She watched me, unsympathetic, and then, she was gone.

Just a fragment of my imagination. I needed her like I needed air, and without her, I was dying. Suffocating.

I lit candles, and walked over to the piano, and started Clair de Lune.

**Lulu POV**

"New York Medical Intense Care Institution; Mark speaking."

"Hello, um, when would be a good time to come in for a visit? The name is Michael Corinthos."

"Well, we don't close for another 2 hours, and 55 minutes. How far are you?"

"About 45 minutes. I'll come tonight thank you."

"You're welcome Ma'am."

I changed into my jeans, white tank with the multi color flowers, and white cardigan, and exited the bedroom.

Ethan was in the kitchen, sitting at the table, drinking a glass of water.

"I need to go out for a little. I'll be back later."

"Okay love. Be careful."

"I will. Bye."

I took the elevator to the parking floor, and found the car, and got in.

About a little over 45 minutes later, I arrived at the institution.

I walked in, and headed over to the main desk.

"I'm looking for a Michael Corinthos please."

"You're relation Ma'am?"

"I'm Michael's cousin, Lesley Lu Spencer."

"Ah yes, Ms. Spencer. Mr. Corinthos is in room 417."

"Thank you."

She nodded, and gave me the key.

I found Michael's room, and opened the door.

I shut the door behind me, and placed the keys on the dresser next to me, and draped my coat on the light blue armchair next to Michael's bed.

I sat down, and took Michael's hand.

"Hey Michael. It's Lulu. I'm actually here to get your consent. I know you cant actually tell me anything, but I already know what you would tell me. To be happy, even if I was letting down your Dad, your mother, and you. That's just who you are sweetie."

"It's Johnny. I'm just not strong enough honey. I know I should hate him for putting you in this position, but I love him so much. I saw him for the first time in almost eight months tonight at the town's mystery ball. It was like when I saw your Aunt Laura wake up."

"I don't know what to do. I want to be strong, and stand up for you

But I think we both know I'm just not that strong. See, sweetie, Johnny didn't mean to hurt you, but the thing is, that he did. And that's hard to live with. I know he is hurting, as well as we all are. But I just cant keep on living this way. Some days I feel like I'm going crazy because some days I wish I could trade spots with you. Escape my life. But I shouldn't think that way. No one should ever be in this position. Especially you Michael."

"But you have to know, that I'm lost without Johnny. I know that you're mom and dad didn't work out, but I think that maybe Johnny and I can still fix it."

I got up from the chair.

"I love you sweetie. I'll see you soon. Bye honey."

I kissed his forehead, and walked out the door, and headed for the parking lot.

**Johnny POV**

I put my head in my hands, when suddenly, I heard doors slam. I instantly shot up, and grabbed my coat quickly, and headed over toward the back door.

"Wait."

I knew that voice so well. I turned around, and locked my eyes with hers.

"Lulu,"

"Johnny…don't. I want to hear anything you have to say. I came here because I knew that you'd be here. It's where we first started."

**Lulu POV**

I ran my hand over the rail, and stepped down the stairs, coming closer into contact with him.

I looked back at him.

"It feels like forever since we were here. It's been a little while, hu?"

I shot my head up, and looked into his eyes.

He started coming towards me, dropping his jacket to the floor.

"Yea…too long."

Her came right up to my face, and ever so gently took my face into his hand. "I need you Lulu. I can't live without you."

I shut my eyes, and leaned into his hand, and then he lowered his lips to mine.

I kissed him back, hesitantly.

_~FLASHBACK~_

"_Lulu…we need to talk."_

"_Johnny…I'm fine, okay? This had nothing to do with you, or your family, and don't blame yourself, okay?"_

"_It's not about that Lulu…I've been keeping something from you, for too, too long."_

_I looked into his eyes, warily, and opened my lips to speak, be he cut me off._

"_I cant keep lying to you Lulu…telling you I've changed, that we can work, and keep believing that I can be a normal man, and give you a good life, a future that you deserve, when I can't."_

"_Johnny…you cant be saying you're leaving because I---"_

"_I was involved with your cousin's shooting Lulu."_

_I sat there frozen._

"_You shot him?"_

"_N--NO. I didn't…but I---I didn't stop it."_

"_So you knew."_

"_No, I didn't know Michael was there…but…"_

"_No, Johnny, you took part in shooting a LITTLE BOY, intentional, or not… I CANT EVEN LOOK AT YOU! Just go! GET OUT!"_

_He didn't put up a fuss._

_He just got up, and walked toward the door._

"_I love you Lulu. Always."_

_I shut my eyes, and let the tears fall down my face._

_~END OF FLASHBACK~_

I shot my head away, remembering that night.

"I'm sorry Lulu…it's just…God. I miss you so much."

"It's not your fault Johnny. I'm sorry the way I acted, you didn't know what to do."

"No. Lulu…that's no excuse. That kid id in that bed for the rest of his life, and I could have prevented that. That will haunt me forever."

I walked close to him, and put my hand on his shoulders.

"I've always loved you. I missed you so much Johnny. I cant breathe without you. I need you with me."

"I'm right here."

He pulled me into his chest, and stroked my hair.

"Make me forget. Make love to me Johnny."

**Johnny POV**

Her words were of those I've been waiting for 8 long, excruciating months.

I kissed her ear, and slowly rubbed slow circles on her back.

I grabbed her neck, and turned her face to mine, and kissed her lips, full, and hard.

"I. Love. You" I mumbled in between kisses.

She tasted of sugar, and peach.

Her scent overpowered me. It was the perfume I bought her for her birthday. It was a scent between white blossoms, freesia, and pear. It fit her so well.

She nodded, and greedily took my shirt off. I knew she was so vulnerable, and I wanted to make her better, but I knew that by doing this wouldn't just fix her, but I continued anyways. I needed to.

I caressed her neck with my hand, and lowered the other to the bottom of her white Cardigan, slowly undoing the buttons. I followed by slowly rising her multi-color flowery tank and took it ff of her, leaving her in her jeans, and her blue bra.

I let my hand slide to the back of her bra and undo the clasp, and slowly kiss her collarbone, sliding the straps off her shoulders, and letting it fall to the floor.

I picked her up by her thighs, and rose her to the top of the piano, letting my hands sneak to her button and zipper.

I unzipped it slowly, and undid the button.

I needed her right this second, but I wanted this to be a special night. I wanted her back to me. And I had every intention of getting her back.

She took her hands down to my stomach, and down to my throbbing erection, She yanked down the zipper, and shoved my jeans down, and I went back to hers.

I slowly, carefully, pulled the jeans down her legs, and she kicked them off her feet.

She got up off the piano, and I led her over to the window bed, and quickly closed the curtain, and laid her down on the thin mattress.

I quickly remembered the man she was with at the ball. Shit, I was taking advantage of her, and pushing her into an affair. I quickly stopped, and she looked at me, confused.

"Lulu…you're boyfriend…the guy at the ball--"

"No, Ethan, he doesn't mean anything to me…I love you. Please."

"But you're still with him Lulu…you're cheating on him. I cant do this until you end it with him."

"Fine, I'll call him."

She reached onto the table next to her, and picked up her cell. I knew It wasn't a good idea to break it off with somebody over the phone, but right now, I just didn't care. Unless it was me.

"Ethan…I'm so sorry.."

I took this chance to torment her.

I took one of her nipples into my mouth, and she moaned loudly, and I chuckled against her breast.

"I'm so--sorry---E---Ethan."

She quickly closed the phone, and threw it to the floor.

I kissed her on the lips once more, and let my hand wander to the hem of her panties.

She exhaled shakily, and her body trembled, aching.

I just wanted to rip them off of her, and bury into her.

I pushed them down her legs, and she didn't the same to my boxers.

I looked to her, and instantly froze. I didn't have anything.

"Oh shit Lulu…we can't do this…I don't have anything."

**Lulu POV**

SHIT! HE DIDN'T HAVE A CONDOM! BUT I NEED HIM!

"I--It's okay, I'm on the ---the pill." I lied.

"You sure?"

"Y--Yea. Keep going."

Crap.

**Johnny POV**

I positioned myself at her entrance, and slowly, eased into her. Oh god. How long I ached to be back in this position.

She arched her back up onto me, and I pushed all the way into her, and grasped her hips.

"I love you Johnny. Ah."

"I love you too Lulu."

I pulled out of her, and thrusted back into her, and started a slow rhythm, taking my time with her. I wanted to stay here forever.

I pulled out again, and pushed back in, repeating this rhythm.

She raked her nails up my back, and bucked her hips upward.

"Johnny. Faster. Please."

I obliged, and started a little faster, but careful not to go too fast just yet.

She shouted out my name, and came onto me, and that set me off, and I came, following her.

I collapsed on top of her, and she ran her hand through my hair. Her chest heaved, fast, from her heavy breaths.

"Johnny.."

"Yea Lu?"

"I just want to be normal. Just stay together like normal boyfriend and girlfriend. Just loving each other. No talk about your not good for me, and how you've done horrible, and unforgivable things. Kay?"

I looked into her eyes, and brought my hand to her cheek, and kissed her neck.

I whispered into her ear, sucking on her lobe.

"Yea."

She exhaled shakily, and flipped us over, starting our round two.

**Morning**

**Lulu POV**

I looked around, and everything was bright, and Johnny was sitting on the floor underneath me, staring at me.

I smiled faintly at him.

"Hey."

"Morning. You hungry?"

" at all. I feel more like sick than hungry."

I got up form the window bed, and sat down at the piano bench. I had a headache, and was sore all over. Probably from our rounds last night. We went all the way to six.

"I'm sorry Lu…I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Please Johnny…I wanted to…it isn't your fault. It by far the best night of my life."

He smiled at me. "Me too."

He came and sat down next to me.

"Can I live with you?"

"Lulu…my place…it isn't…that great."

"I don't care. It's away from here. It's with you."

"You'll regret that once you see the place…trust me Lulu…"

I got up, and walked around, still completely naked.**(A/N-AHA!)**

He chuckled, and turned my head back to him.

He got up, and handed me the throw.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"Lulu…I need to tell you…my whole life…it's been about you. Even when I didn't know it. I want to make it up to you."

"Johnny…you don't owe me anything. If anything under those circumstances, I owe you."

"Uh-Uh…you owe me nothing. I deserve everything you did to me."

"Not everything Johnny. I told you I didn't want you anymore, when that was the farthest thing from the truth. I wanted you more than ever in that moment you walked out the door. That day still haunts me."

He walked over to me, looking pained, and wrapped his arms around me.

"It's okay. I'm here now, that's all that matters. We spent so much time living in the future, and didn't take time to live in the present. I'm not making that mistake again."

"Me either."

I turned around to face him, and kissed him.

"I want to take you out today. You like Carnivals?"

I smiled. "Yea. I like carnivals."

"Good."

"But first, I want to show you how much I love you."

He chuckled, and pulled the blanket off me.

**At Johnny's apartment in New Jersey**

**Johnny POV**

I was sitting on the couch, waiting for Lulu to get out of my bedroom, so we could leave for the carnival.

She finally came out, dressed in light boot leg jeans, followed by a chestnut belt, with a gray halter, and a deep blue Cardigan, with classic white sneakers.(PIC ON PRO.)Her hair was straight, and she had very light makeup on. God I loved her so much.

"Ready"

'Yea, let's go."

I led her out to the parking lot, and opened up the red mustang's car door, and went into the drivers seat.

"I missed this car."

I laughed, and leaned over to her ear."I missed _you."_ And I kissed her ear.

She giggled, and pulled her knees up to her chest, and rolling down her window, smiling as the wind blew her hair in her face. I turned to her, and smiled at her.

"God you're so beautiful."

"Well thank you sir. You're not so bad yourself."

She continued laughing until we pulled up to the ticket booth.

She shouted out the window.

"We're in love!" And she pointed to me. I smiled at her, and the man just smirked at her. She giggled, and pounced back into her seat.

She turned her head to me. "I love you!"

I got out and opened her door, reaching out my hand. "I love you too Lu."

She laughed, and took my hand, and climbed out of the car.

We walked into the Carnival, and she pointed to the Elephant ride.

"Lulu…seriously?"

"Yes, now come on!" She pulled my hand, and we handed our ticket's to the woman, who looked at me strangely like I was on drugs. The things I did for her.

She pulled me into one of the little elephant riders, and sat down.

I sat down beside her.

She laughed at me, and I looked to her. "I cant believe I'm doing this."

"I can."

She giggled, and kissed me, and the ride started.

Once we started on it, she started laughing continuously, and I laughed at the sight of her.

After the ride was over, we walked through the park, and she stopped at one of the little counters, filled with the paintballs, and slipped a 5 dollar bill to the guy, and he handed us 10 darts.

She threw one, and popped the balloon, and she smiled, and threw another. I threw one, and popped an orange one. She looked over to me. "You are very talented!"

I laughed at her. "Thanks."

She threw the rest of hers, and then, we walked away. She stopped in her tracks, and I held her hand in mine. She was looking at a big, brown bear. I knew she wanted it.

I lowered my lips to her ear.

"See something you like?"

"Johnny…I don't know how to play basketball. Can you?"

"Of course."

We walked over to the stand, and I handed the girl a 5, and threw the balls.

I got her the bear.

"I'll pay you back later. Don't worry."

I smiled at the thought.

After we finished about 7 rides, she was tired, and just wanted to walk around.

I got her cotton candy, and we sat down on one of the park benches.

She climbed onto my lap, and swayed her hair to one shoulder.

She picked off a large string of cotton candy, and held it in front of my mouth."Open your mouth."

I opened my mouth, and she placed it in, and attached her lips with mine, and I took her waist into my arms.

After we finished the cotton candy, she was excessively tired, so I just took her home.

Once we got into the apartment, she stumbled into the kitchen, and came out, holding a bottle of vodka, and two glasses.

She was up to no good.

"Lets get drunk." She whispered.

I smiled, and walked over to her.

I sat down beside her, and she poured the first shots.

After about 15, she was so wasted, So was I.

She took my hand, and started laughing hysterically.

"Haha Johnny…I fucking love you."

I toppled her onto the bed, and replied. "I love you too, too fucking much babe."

She giggled at me, and we had sex for hours, and hours.

**Morning**

**Lulu POV**

I felt like shit. I had a hangover, and remembered nothing of last night, beyond the point of getting home.

I looked next to me, at Johnny. God he was a mess. His hair was disheveled. It was all over the place. He had nail marks on his chest, and red blotches all over his face, I had to laugh at the sight.

I got out of the bed, not caring of my nudeness.

I stumbled shakily over to the mirror to have a look at myself.

I looked just about the same.

My makeup was smudged, my hair in every which way, I Had the same red blotches on my face, and neck, and I noticed red, on my hip. I turned around, and looked In the mirror. My entire ass was completely red, and it stung.

I turned around, and the entire room just smelt of sex, sex, sex, and more sex.

I walked into the bathroom, and quickly took a shower. Johnny was still asleep.

I got back into bed, and wrapped my arms around him. He woke up, and turned over and locked his eyes with mine.

"Morning beautiful" He mumbled.

"Morning."

He groaned, and wrapped his arms around me.

He sighed, and kissed my neck, up to my lips.

"I love you so, so, so much."

I laughed. "Me too Johnny. Me too."

I kissed him, and relaxed in his arms.

**

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**

**OMG! LONGEST CHAPTER EVER WRITTEN!**

**REVIEW! PLEASEE!!!!!! **


	3. Realize

**STILL NO REVIEWS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WRONG, BUT IF I DON'T GET ANY REVEIWS IN THIS CHAPTER, I MAY THINK ABOUT CANCELING AND NOT WRITING ANY MORE JOHNNY AND LULU STORIES. SO I ASK FOR EVERYONE WHO CAN, TO PLEASE REVIEW. THANK YOU.**

* * *

**-FLASHBACK-**

_JOHNNY POV_

_I was inside of Jake's, sitting at one of the stools, choking down shots upon shots of whisky. Honestly, I haven't gotten drunk in a while, so I figured I was due for a good time. I didn't care about anyone else. I just cared about getting wasted, and finally just get a little rush. _

_"Aye, Coleman" I pointed to my glass. It was empty. _

_I didn't regret the last 9 shots I drank, nor would I start caring now. I didn't have anything to care about. Wow, what a lie that was. Just how wasted am I?_

_"Aha John Zacharra is gettin on his high...yea man!" He rose his hand, and I fumbled to hit it. I was so past gone. But then again, so was everyone else in this dump. _

_"Hey, Coleman, you think its wrong to show up at your girl's place...uhm....st-stoned?" I stuttered. _

_"Naw man, it happens. Lulu? If I know her at all, she'll take advantage of you. Ha"_

_I was actually kind of pissed off that he was accusing Lulu of being a whore. She was everything but, and if he knew her at all, he would know that. _

_"Well, for one thing, Lulu doesn't give in that easily, let alone seduce me while I'm drunk. She'll probably just hand me 4 aspirins, and go right back to what she was doing before. " _

_He laughed and tended to the guy next to me. I got up, and placed a 10 on the counter. That's all I had. _

_I finally pulled up into the apartment lot, and walked for the elevator. Once it hit the tenth floor, I got out, and walked to 915. Our apartment. I fumbled around for the key, and got the lock unlocked like 5 minutes later. I walked in stumbling. No one was around. I heard laughing, and crunching of bags. I walked for the bedroom. _

_I opened the door and saw Lulu, Maxie, and Spinelli on our bed. There was candy, beer, and soda everywhere. Lulu got up, and came over and kissed me. I grabbed her fiercely, and shoved her up against the wall. She moaned in surprise. _

_She pulled away. "Have you been drinking Johnny?". _

_"U-u-uh j-just a f-f-few." _

_She laughed, and Maxie and Spinelli walked out, taking candy soda, and beer with them. Once they were out, I shut the door violently, and pushed Lulu harshly down on the bed. I groaned and tore at her clothes. She moaned my name. _

_"Mmm Johnny. Get inside me. Now!!"_

_I grunted, and ripped off the remaining barriers of cloth. She did the same. I reached into my dresser, and pulled out a condom and slid it up my shaft. I positioned at her, and she bucked her hips up, and I thrusted, hard into her hot, wet pussy. "Ahh Johnny harder. Go!"_

_I did as she asked, and started pumping repeatedly in, and out of her. She was hot, wet, and wide for me. _

* * *

_The last thing I could remember was sitting at Jake's, talking to Coleman. He has got to find a woman. _

_I groaned and got up, and heard a whimper. I turned around, and Lulu was laying there. I looked down at myself. I was completely naked. I climbed back into bed, and snaked my hand under the covers, running my hands up and down her bare thighs. She opened them wider, pleading for friction. _

_**-END OF FLASHBACK-**_

**JOHNNY POV**

"Uhh…Lulu…you okay?"

"Yea Johnny. Are you?"

"A little hung-over, but yea. I'm fine. Any plans for today?"

"Ugh…Not really. I was thinking maybe we'd just stay in and order take out tonight."

"Anything."

I kissed her forehead, and got out of the bed, and walked over to her side.

She pulled the covers up to her face, and I laughed, and began to tickle her.

"Ahh! Johnny! STOP! AHH!"

I laughed, and pulled her up out of bed, and she didn't look so good. She had had way to much to drink last night. I knew she wasn't used to it. In the 3 years I've known her, last night was about the _only _time I had _ever_ seen her_ drunk._

"Uhh…I think I need the bathroom."

I nodded, and followed her, and held her hair behind her as she got sick.

She stood up, and started laughing.

"Lulu?"

"Aha Johnny. I love you so much. You know?"

"Yea lulu…I know. And I love you too."

I exited the bathroom, and headed down the hall to the kitchen.

I opened the cabinet, and took out the coffee, and put up the water.

I looked up to see Lulu. She had faint makeup on, and a pair of black and pink lace panties, and a pale pink lace bra on with her hair faintly wet. She looked gorgeous.(PIC ON PRO)

"Hey, feeling better?"

She nodded, and sat down at the table, and brought her knees up to her chin.

"Johnny…what are we doing?"

"What do you mean? We're together. That's what matters."

I walked over to her, and took her hand in mine.

"Lu, I love you, okay? Nothing is ever going to change that. Not anyone, anything, nothing."

She looked up at me, clearly upset. I sat down next to her.

"Lulu…tell me, what's wrong."

She inhaled a big breath, and exhaled shakily.

"Johnny…do you remember when I told you about me and Dillon?"

Oh No.

"Yea Lulu…I remember."

"I've been thinking about it a lot."

"Lulu…I don't follow."

"Johnny…I want to make a life with you. But, I am never going to be able to live with what I did. I killed my innocent, helpless child. I can't have kids with you Johnny."

"Lulu…Don't even think about that right now. You're only 22 years old, a whole life ahead of you. Lu, people make mistakes, Don't blame yourself. You did what you thought was best."

"Johnny…I was 5 months pregnant when I had the abortion. I was in my second trimester. She was developed enough. We-we had a funeral. I haven't visited her. Ever. Johnny…I need you to take me there. Today. Now. I need to talk to her."

"Lulu…she's dead baby. What good is this going to do for you?"

"I NEED TO TALK TO HER DAMN IT JOHNNY!"

I threw my hands up.

"Okay, okay. Get dressed."

After we left, she handed me a paper with an address.

She looked over to me in the car, and took my hand.

I smiled at her, and stroked her knuckles over with my thumb.

Once we pulled into the cemetery, she told me which row, and I finally found it.

I parked the car, and looked to her. She was starring out the window, down the row.

I got out of the car, and opened her door. "You ready?"

She looked up at me, and took my hand, and rose out of the car.

We walked into the baby section, and stopped at a plaque that read:

_Alaina Juliana Spencer_

_2006_

_You weren't ever a mistake_

"Her name's Alaina."

She knelt down to the metal, and ran her fingers over the embossed letters.

**LULU POV**

"Hi."

I ran my hand along the plaque, and sat on my butt, getting more comfortable.

A thousand thoughts ran through my head. I killed my baby. A poor innocent life, taken away by my mistake. I would have had a 3 year old daughter. But then again, I wouldn't have Johnny. In some ways, I regretted miserably aborting her. I wanted her right now.

"I'm sorry. I never thought about you."

"You know, sometimes, I think my life would be whole lot better with you here. But I'm being selfish when I think of that. I was selfish to take you away. You Don't deserve this. To be down there, alone, cold, scared, lonely. I…am so…sorry." I had to choke back tears.

"I wish I could take it back sweetie. I really do. I was young, stupid, selfish, and scared. Even if I knew I couldn't keep you, I thought if I couldn't have you, nobody else could."

"So honey, I gave you to the one person I trusted at that time. I gave you to god sweetie. I think how you would have been as a baby. How I would have been able to look at you, and see your dad. He wanted you you know? Yea. He did. But I wouldn't have it. He tried to convince me I could do it, but honey, you have to understand, I just, I couldn't. I would give anything in the world to trade for you. I made such a horrible mistake. I ripped you from what you depended on. I forced you away. _I killed you._"

I shot up from the ground, and grabbed both sides of my head.

"I killed her. I killed her. I killed her. I killed her. I killed her. I kill--"

Johnny pulled me into him, and I just let myself go. I cried profusely, and started hyperventilating.

I wanted my baby.

**BACK AT THE APARTMENT**

"Lulu, you have to eat. Please."

"I'm not hungry." I lied. I was starving.

He huffed, and picked me up, bridal style, and carried me to the bedroom. He laid me on the bed, and tucked me under the covers.

I cried into them, leaving them wet with my tears.

I felt the bed shift as he got in.

I turned around to face him, and he wrapped his arms around me.

"It'll be okay Lu. I promise."

"I love you Johnny."

"I love you too Lulu."

And so I fell asleep at 2 in the afternoon.

**MORNING**

The last thing I remembered, I was laying in Johnny's arms, facing him.

Now, I was facing the opposite way, my arms hanging off the bed.

I groaned, and got up.

"Johnny?"

"I'm in here hun."

I walked into the living room, and found him sitting on the couch, reading the newspaper I nothing but flannel pants. God he was so sexy.

"Hey."

"You sleep well?"

"mm…not really. You?"

"Not at all. I want you to understand something Lulu. What you did, was the right thing for you. Even If you regret it now, It was right then."

I nodded, and sat down next to him, and snuggled into his chest, inhaling the scent of axe.

I clutched his shoulders, and kissed him, hard and full.

"Uhh Johnny. I love you so much."

"I know Lulu. I love you too."

"I need you Johnny."

"Then have me."

He pushed me down onto the couch, underneath him, and attacked my neck with his mouth, and unhooked my bra. He threw it on the floor, and traced his lips down my collarbone, to the heaps in my breasts. I moaned into the air as he gently took my right nipple into his hot mouth, and sucked gently, and slowly. I wound my fingers in his hair as he drew his other hand to my other breast, giving it just as much attention.

I pushed him up, and rolled over, on top of him. I ripped his shirt off, and trailed light kisses down his abs. He smelled of axe, spring water, summer air, and a smell that was just…_Johnny._

**JOHNNY POV**

I trailed my hands down her stomach, to her pants, and unbuttoned the button, and zipper, gently rolling them off her legs. I flipped her back over, and kissed her frantically. Her breath tasted of salt, sugar, and a taste that was sort of in between toothpaste, and fresh papaya.

She quickly, took my pants off, and suddenly, there was a sharp knock at the door.

"Aw fuck." I whispered. "Stay here."

I pulled my pants up, and threw her the burgundy throw.

I went to the door, and opened it.

"Where the hell have you been John?! Did it ever occur to you that now that your head of the mob that you have resp---"

She stopped her sentence when she spotted Lulu on the couch.

Lulu looked confused.

"Your head of the mob Johnny? I thought you left your family…I thought…"

"He came back after you left him you little tramp. What the hell was he supposed to do? You dumped him like trash. Why the hell are you here anyways?"

She looked pissed, and Lulu just looked surprised.

"Claudia. You need to leave. I'll call you later. Now isn't a good time."

She huffed, and walked thru the door. I shut it behind her.

"Your head."

I sighed. "Yea."

"Why didn't you tell me? You kept more things from me Johnny?"

"Lulu…what was I supposed to do? You just kicked me out, and I just moved back into the mansion. I didn't know what to do? I didn't own the apartment. I had to. My father, he bought me a house out of here, we moved there, and he died a few months later. I inherited everything."

"I cant even believe you Johnny. Why didn't you tell me? This ruins everything. We can never be happy Johnny."

"Look Lulu…I didn't have a choice. I had no where else to go. It was the only option. I didn't know what else to do."

"Fine. Then let's run away. Out of the country. I'll get Nickolas to help us."

"Lulu…really? People are going to be suspicious if we just disappear."

She had a look of evil in her eyes. Like she had a deceiving plan.

"We'll fake our deaths. We'll make people believe we're dead."

"Lulu…it's impossible."

"No Johnny…It isn't. If we just fake a car accident. They can say that our bodies were too badly injured for open caskets."

"Yea, and what about the "other people" involved?"

"They'll die too."

I snorted. "No."

"Come on Johnny! We can finally be happy. Away from everything. We don't ever have to look back. Please…do this for me, for us. Think about all those times with Maxie. With the clubs, and the parties before the crisis. Come on Johnny. Think about it…this could work. Please."

I sighed, and ran it thru my head. I contemplated that her plan actually _could _work. That we _could _be happy.

"Call Nickolas."

She smiled brightly, and got up, covering herself with the throw.

**LULU POV**

I picked up the phone, and dialed Windermere's number.

"Yelloww?"

"Nickolas, It's Lulu. Can you come to Johnny's place? It's urgent."

**2 HOURS LATER**

"Nickolas, please. Johnny and I just want to be happy. Please Nickolas, do this for me. No one has to know."

"Fine."

We planned it all out, and as soon as Nickolas left, we put the plan into motion. We packed our bags, and headed for the airport.

**NICKOLAS POV**

I stopped at the hospital desk, and Asked Emily**(A/N: SHE'S ALIVE IN THIS STORY) **for her help.

4 hours later, our plan was complete.

**JOHNNY POV**

"Lulu…time to wake up, we're landing sweet heart."

She groaned, and opened her eyes, cautiously.

We boarded off the plane, and headed for the baggage claim in the airport. We didn't worry about disguises, In Milan, no one knew us.

We got our baggage, and drove to the hotel.

I handed the woman my credit card, and walked up to the room with Lulu.

When we got in, she sat down on the bed, and looked up at me.

"Lulu…you okay? I thought this was what you wanted…"

"No, no, YES! It is, of course, I'm just scared."

I pulled her into me. "It's okay. We'll be okay."

She nodded, and fell into me.

"I love you."

I sighed. "I love you too."

Today was definitely not the best day for her. First, she had a terrible hangover this morning, then went and mourned her dead baby, and now, was rushed away from all of the people she loved.

"Lulu…I need to ask you something."

_Take time to realize,That your warmth is. Crashing down on time to realize,That I am on your sideDidn't I, Didn't I tell I can't spell it out for you,No it's never gonna be that simpleNo I cant spell it out for youIf you just realize what I just realized,Then we'd be perfect for each otherAnd will never find anotherJust realized what I just realizedWe'd never have to wonder ifWe missed out on each other time to realizeOh-oh I'm on your sideDidn't I, didn't I tell time to realizeThis all can pass you by.. Didn't I tell youBut I can't spell it out for you,No its never gonna be that simpleNo I can't spell it out for you just realized what I just realizedThen we'd be perfect for each otherThen we'd never find anotherJust realized what I just realizedWe'd never have to wonder ifWe missed out on each other 's not always the sameNo it's never the sameIf you don't feel it you meet me half wayIf you would meet me half could be the same for you just realized what I just realizedThen we'd be perfect for each otherThen we'd never find anotherJust realized what I just realizedWe'd never have to wonderJust realized what I just realizedMissed out on each other nowMissed out on each other now _

She looked at me confused.

"Lulu…now that we are trying to start a new life…I was thinking,"

"Oh my god Johnny." She whispered. I smiled back at her.

I took her hands in mine, and bent down at her level.

"Lulu…you mean absolutely EVERYTHING to me. I can't ever loose you. I would go completely insane. I want to be with you forever. I want to be living in my dreams. So I'm going to ask you this." I reached into my pocket, and pulled out the ring. The square ring with the two round stones, and baguettes.

"Marry me."

She gasped, and quickly nodded her head frantically. She wisped out; "Y-yes! I'll marry you Johnny."

I smiled, and hung my head in such relief. I was so nervous she would reject me after what I had done to her, after she found out about what happened.

"Johnny?"

I snapped my head back to her.

"Yea Lu?"

"I-I don't--I don't feel good."

That was the last thing she said to me before she fell into my arms. Limp.

"Lulu!?!!"

* * *

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**10 REVEIWS=CHAPTER 4**

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	4. Breath Me

**_

* * *

_**

STILL NO REVEIWS! LAST CHANCE!

* * *

**JOHNNY POV**

"Lulu!?"

She wasn't waking. I shook her, and brought her up in my arms. I put my face down to her chest to make sure she was breathing, and her heart was still beating. The beats were faint, but they were there. I rushed to the phone.

"Yes, please…my girlfriend--I don't--know, she's not--please…HELP HER!"

"Sir, calm down, we'll send an ambulance. Stay calm."

I hung up the phone quickly, and rushed back to Lulu. "Lulu…baby, everything is going to be okay, just stay with me baby, please, Stay with me…I cant loose you again!"

I heard the faint sirens, and they slowly got louder.

There was heavy pounds at the door a few moments later, and I picked her up, and rushed to the door.

They came in with a long gurney, and I placed her carefully on it. They kind of shoved me out of the way, so I stood back a little. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I felt like my throat was blocked, and the walls were closing around me. I just wanted to die.

* * *

They rushed her into the ER, and down the hall, joining doctors along the way. I chased them, but an older nurse stopped me.

"Sir, don't make this any harder than it already is. Please, just stay back, let them do their job."

"She's gonna be okay. She's gonna be okay." I didn't know how many times I repeated this, and just finally gave up, and sunk to my knees, and put my face in my hands. I felt two small hands on my shoulders.

"Sir, I'm sure she'll be fine. Whatever this is, whatever happened to her, she'll be okay. I'm sure she just passed out or something." She rubbed my shoulders, and I sobbed into my hands.

* * *

About an hour had passed, and I was going crazy. I was pacing throughout the hospital, and I was mentally kicking myself for what was happening.

I looked over my shoulder, and saw a doctor. He sighed heavily, and took his cap off. I faced him.

"H--How is she?"

"You're wife…"

Hearing him call her my wife mad me feel like I was loosing her all the more.

"She has a very rare blood disease. Her blood type is causing her brain to swell."

"Like meningitis?"

"No--Not exactly, her blood type, its not a match for her body. It can be fatal. I know this is hard, but do you have any children?"

I shook my head. "N-No…why?"

"Well, in most cases, children are matches and can donate blood, in that case, the person would have a greater chance of surviving."

"So your saying her chances of survival are…"

"There's no way to tell if her rates are that high right now, we'll know more within the next 24-48 hours.""So how is she now?"

"We put her in a coma. For the brain to calm. However, I don't see your wife…waking up."

I stood there frozen. Never waking up? I wouldn't be able to live if she never woke up.

"What do you mean she's not going to wake up?"

"Her brain is being pressurized, and her blood is disintegrating. There's no way to save her. You're sure she doesn't have any children?"

I thought of Alaina. "No."

"Then, if you don't mind me asking, have you been sexual with your wife in the last 2 weeks?"

I hesitated. "Yes."

"I'll be back."

He just left like that.

* * *

I waited.

I saw the doctor coming down the hall, and I walked up to him.

"Your wife…she's 2 and a half weeks pregnant."

There was no use to be happy.

"She cant know about this. About this baby. You have to save her."

"Mr. Zacharra…."

"NO! YOU SAVE HER! YOU HEAR ME!?" I pushed all the papers off the desk, and pushed the doctor up against the wall and spat thru gritted teeth.

"You save her! You don't tell her about this! SAVE HER!"

Security pulled me off of him."

"You son of a bitch. YOU SAVE HER. HER!" I yelled as he walked down the hall.

* * *

A few hours later, I was allowed to go in, and see Lulu. I walked into her room, and sat beside her bed. I took her hand in my own.

"Lulu…I'm so sorry. But I cant loose you. I cant live without you. So I'm doing what's best. We can make another baby. We cant make another you. So I'm choosing you. I'm not going to let you die. But Lulu…you have to understand…I'm doing this to save you. I need you baby."I wanted this baby honestly. I haven't really had time to process through my brain that she was pregnant.

* * *

It's been 3 weeks since Lulu's been in a coma, and I was slowly fading away. I cried every night. I needed her. The more I thought about the fact that she was pregnant. And having my baby made me want It so much more. To be able to hold the little life that we created. A part of her, a part of me.

I visited her every day, but each time I did, It hurt all the more.

The doctors said that If I was sticking to my plan to have the baby save Lulu, then we would have to wait the full nine months, for the blood to be enough for her.

In the mean time, they were feeding her transfusions of blood, just to keep her on something. They had told me that there was a chance that she could wake up, without the baby having to be sacrificed, but I was definitely going to stick to the plan of which was that if I did sacrifice the baby to save her, that she could NEVER know about it.

I still didn't want to think about that, Having a little innocent life taken away, and if Lulu ever found out that another baby died that was still inside her, she wouldn't want to live any more.

**4 MONTHS LATER**

Lulu wasn't getting any better.

However, Everytime I went to see her, her stomach got bigger. I always thought about what it would be like if we were just the way we were, and this never happened. We would be doing this together.

Lulu is now 4 months pregnant, and the baby is perfectly healthy.

Which makes it all the more difficult.

* * *

**3 MONTHS LATER**

Lulu was seven months pregnant now, and still lying in that damned hospital bed. She was trapped in her own body, being fed paste thru tubes. I constantly asked the doctors if that was good for the baby, but got the same answer each time. "It's what Lulu needs."

I desperately just wanted her to wake up so we could be happy, but that clearly just wasn't happening.

**2 MONTHS LATER**

She was now nine months pregnant. Her due date was tomorrow, and that made me even more depressed. They were going to cercerianlly remove the baby, and slowly feed its blood into Lulu's system.

It made my heart ache to know that we were killing a baby, taking its life away, and never giving it a chance to live. Either way, I was being forced to take a life that just didn't deserve to be taken. But I just can't loose Lulu.

The past two nights, I slept at the hospital, with the due date coming up and all.

The doctors had broken the news to me that even if she got enough blood, that there was still a chance that she may never wake up. That absolutely terrified me. Nine months was killing me. I couldn't live a lifetime.

_Help, I have done it againI have been here many times beforeHurt myself again todayAnd, the worst part is there's no-one else to blameBe my friendHold me, wrap me upUnfold meI am smalland needyWarm me upAnd breathe meOuch I have lost myself againLost myself and I am nowhere to be found,Yeah I think that I might breakLost myself again and I feel unsafeBe my friendHold me, wrap me upUnfold meI am smalland needyWarm me upAnd breathe meBe my friendHold me, wrap me upUnfold meI am smalland needyWarm me upAnd breathe me_

Her heart monitor beeping was flooding my ears, making my head pulsate.

A few nurses walked in, and told me that the doctor was moving Lulu's due date up to today, and that they were going to deliver the baby now.

I kissed her forehead a nd told her I loved her before they wheeled her into the O.R.

**THE OPERATING ROOM**

**LULU POV**

All that I was seeing was white. I couldn't feel anything below my breasts. I had the feeling of when you bloat when you menstruate, but ten times worse.

Then, I could feel the worst pain I have ever felt in my life sear through my abdomen. It felt like I was being stabbed over and over in my stomach. Where was I?

I heard what sounded like doctor conversation, but was soon replaced by an ear piercing cry. I sounded like a little baby boy's willowing yelps. I felt like there was a trobbing lump in my throat, blocking me from breathing. The crying continued, and so did the pain in my abdomen. Finally, I put the pieces together.

I coughed, trying to get the lump out of my air way, and to dissolve, when I heard a man's voice. It sounded a mile away.

"Mrs. Zacharra? Can you hear me?"

There was an even more blinding light flashing in my eyes. Then, slowly, I started to see what appeared to me as big blobs. I blinked a few times, and my vision started to clear up.

"Mrs. Zacharra?" I moaned in response, unable to muster enough strength to speak.

"Please, Valerie, get Mr. Zacharra." Johnny.

"J-Johnny." I whispered.

I heard doors pound open, and a loud, sudden gasp.

"Mr. Zacharra, you have a baby boy."

WHAT?!

"What?" He sounded frantic. "W-What about Lulu?"

I tried to speak, but my throat felt drier than ever before, so I gave up trying to speak. So instead, I tried to lift up my arm, but it hurt too much, so I whimpered.

"Well…Mr. Zacharra…It seems that your wife…she's woken up."

* * *

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	5. Til' Summer Comes Around

**LULU POV**

Everything seemed like a blur. An utter, surreal blur. I had the feeling of when you dry swallow a big pill. My head hurt, by breasts were sore, my abdomen hurt, I felt weak all over. I didn't really remember anything. I could faintly remember the small sounds of whimpers, but nothing too extravagant.

"Lulu? Baby?"I slowly, opened my eyes, but shut them, and tried opening them again. I saw a figure that had the shape of the only man I had ever loved. Johnny.

"Mmm."

"Oh god, baby please, say something. Can you hear me?"

He grabbed my hand, and squeezed it.

"J-Johnny." Just saying his name hurt so bad.

I heard him breath a sigh of relief.

He kissed my forehead, and then, he was gone.

**JOHNNY POV**

"Mr. Zacharra?"I shot my head up. They kicked me out of the room about 5 minutes ago. Because she woke up.

"Your son, you can see him if you'd like."I just stared at her, and back to the wall in front of me. "No."

"Uhm, Mr. Zacharra? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine.""He's 5 pounds, 3 ounces. He's got big, brown eyes."

I looked back up to her.

"Why are you telling me this?""He-he's your son."

"I was gonna kill him. I cant see him right now."

She nodded, and walked away.

"Mr. Zacharra?"

Not again.

I looked up.

"You can see your wife now."

I stood up, and walked into her room.

She had her head turned to the door. I looked at her, too guilty to smile.

She looked up to me. "I know what you did. What you_ planned _to do. You're a cold bastard Johnny. You know that? You were going to kill our child to save _me_. How could you even THINK of something like that?"

I sat down next to her, and tried to take her hand, but she didn't link her fingers with mine. She kept it still, but didn't pull it away.

I looked down.

"Are you ashamed of yourself?"

I looked back up to her, the fear rumbling in my stomach.

"I wasn't going to let you die.""So you would let our child die instead?""Lulu-"

"Johnny. I would never leave you. Ever. I love you so much. But to think that you were going to kill your baby to save me, I don't even know what to say.""Our son."

She just looked at me. "A boy?"

I nodded, and sunk my head into her side.

"I'm sorry."

She put her hand on my head, but quickly snapped it away as the door slapped open.

I looked up to see a nurse holding a baby. Ours.

I looked back to Lulu, but she didn't take her eyes off of him.

**LULU POV**

"Can I hold him?"

"Of course you can." The nurse sounded over-excited.

She handed him to me, and Johnny backed away.

As mad as I should be at him, I just wasn't. I couldn't be. I loved him. So much.

The nurse walked out, and I turned my head to Johnny. "Come here."

He slowly walked over. The baby in my arms whined, and squirmed in my arms.

Johnny sat next to me on the bed, and took the baby's hand gently. "I'm so sorry little man."

I looked down to the baby, and smiled. "Hi honey."

I leaned against Johnny. "I love you."

"I love you too Lulu."

* * *

**OCTOBER 10, 2007(FLASHBACK)**

I wasn't supposed to be doing this.

I left him, years ago.

And now, I was saving him.

I had wished he was dead for so long, and now, the opportunity that he could be, I wouldn't let him be.

Because I wasn't strong enough. I loved him too much.

I could hear the wedding bells chiming from outside.

I'm wearing a long, white, strapless wedding gown.

I have my hair up, in curls.

I took a deep breath, and walked out the door.

I met my father at the arch, and glared down the isle, right into Johnny's burning eyes.

I wanted this to be over.

I was marrying the man that I despised, but loved all at the same time.

Then, the music began.

I slowly walked down the isle, arm in arm with Luke.

Everyone was looking at me.

But I kept my eyes focused on Johnny.

He had his hands at his sides, his jaw clenched, and his nose red.

I started to cry.

I wanted this every day of my life, but I was only saving him.

I couldn't fall for him again.

Not after what he did to me.

We stopped at the stairs, and, I walked up them.

I met Johnny's face, and his eyes looked pained, and sorrowful.

I missed him so much.

All I wanted to do right now, was grab him, and kiss him.

He reached his hands out, slowly, and I raised mine to meet his.

He clamped his fingers around my hands.

I cried harder.

"We are gathered here today, to celebrate the joining of Jonathan Anthony Zacharra, and Lesley Lu Spencer. John, you may start your vows."

This had to be real, in order for Johnny not to face the death term.

**Johnny P.O.V**

I loved her so much.

The only reason I slept with Maxie, was because I was framed. But no one knew that. Especially Lulu.

I inhaled sharply, and grasped her hands tighter.

"Lulu Spencer, I love you with all of my heart. I always have, and always will. You mean the world to me, and I wouldn't be able to live without you. I want you forever with me, to be mine always. I want to grow old with you, and die in your arms. Make a life with you, and give you the big white house with the big porch, and the swing. I want you to be happy forever, and for always. I want to be with you. I love you Lulu."

I wanted to throw up.

Not because I was marrying Lulu, but because I just meant every single word I just said, and somehow, she knew it.

I held her hands in mine, and felt a cold, drop on my hand.

Her tear.

I looked into her eyes, and just wanted to hold her tight, and never, ever let her go.

**Lulu P.O.V**

I wanted to die.

For this to end.

For these feelings to go away.

Every word, I knew he meant them, but I didn't want to believe it.

"Miss Spencer, I believe it is your turn."

"Johnny. Everything we have been through together, has made me person that I am today. I have my happiest days when I'm with you. I want to be able to look at our baby someday, and see the same, brown lustrous eyes, and dark brown hair. I want to see you next to me every time I wake up. I want to hold your hand, and walk into the world, once again. I want you to be with me forever. I love you Johnny."

I looked back to his eyes, and just wanted to melt away in them.

"Do you John Zacharra, take Lesley Spencer to be your lawful wedded wife, in sickness, and in health, for richer, for poorer, until death do you part?"

"I do."

That's it, I'm dead.

He held my hand, and placed the white gold, diamond band on my finger, and held it tighter, like before.

"Do you, Lesley Lu Spencer, take John Zacharra to be your lawful wedded husband, in sickness, and in health, for richer, for poorer, until death do you part?"

"I do."

I took his hand, and placed the gold ring on his finger.

Oh no.

"I now pronounce you, husband, and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

**Johnny P.O.V**

That was it. She was my wife.

I took her face in my palms, and wiped her tears away with my thumbs.

I inched closer, and lightly touched her lips to mine.

She kissed me back, lightly.

I pulled away, still having her face in my hand, and smiled a warm, smile at her.

She smiled back, faintly.

I hadn't noticed the loud clapping, and cheers coming from the benches.

I took her hand in mine, and threaded her fingers through mine.

I walked down the steps, with her hand in mine, and walked through the arch, and took her outside.

She cried into my chest.

**Lulu P.O.V**

I couldn't let him know how happy I truly was.

I sobbed into his chest; his tux.

He held my waist, and the back of my head,

He shushed lightly into my ear.

I was just waiting for him to say it.

I was so thankful that he hadn't yet.

I looked up at him, and he stroked my cheek with his hand.

He pulled me toward the limo, and we climbed inside.

I sat across from him.

I stared out of the window, while we were being driven to the airport.

I could feel him staring at me, his gaze burning into my cheek.

I slowly turned my head to him, and just stared at him.

His eyes looked irritated, like he had been crying.

I wouldn't be surprised.

I scooted over to the other side of the limo, and sat next to him.

I placed my hand on his thigh.

He covered my hand with his, and traced the ring with his finger.

He swirled it around my finger, and glanced out the window.

"You can take it off now."

"What?""The ring, you don't have to wear it, its over."

"I want to, its, it's a, gorgeous ring Johnny."

He met my stare, and smiled.

He took my hand back in his.

"I never doubted you Lu."

"I know Johnny."

I squeezed his hand tighter.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

_Another long summer's come and goneI don't know why it always ends this wayThe boardwalks quiet and the carnival ridesare as empty as my broken heart tonight_

_Then I close my eyes and one more timewe're spinnin' aroundand you're holdin' on tightlythe words came outI kissed your mouthno 4th of July has ever burned so brightly_

_You had to goI understandbut you promised you'd be back againAnd so I wander round this towntil summer comes around_

_I got a job workin' at the old parkAnd every song for five long years_

_And I count the days til you just might come back_

_Then close my eyes and one more timewe're spinnin' aroundand you're holdin' on tightlythe words came outI kissed your mouthno 4th of July has ever burned so brightly_

_You have to goI understandbut you promised you'd be back againAnd so I'm frozen in this towntil summer comes around_

_And it comes aroundAnd I close my eyesand you and I are stuck on the ferris wheelridin' with the motionand hand in handKnow that love belonged to us if only for a momentAnd baby I'll be back againyou whispered in my earbut now the winter wind is the only soundand everything is closin' downTil summer comes aroundTil summer comes aroundYeahI miss you babyI miss you babyTil you come back around_

I married him once, and divorced him once. I didn't have any plans of doing that again.

This time, I planned on keeping him. And now that we had a child together, I wasn't ever going to let him walk away.

I never planned on having anymore kids. I told Johnny that. I still don't even know how this happened. I must have been out of it for a long while. Not to say that I didn't love this little boy with all my heart, and would give my life for him already, but there was a part of me, that just wasn't sure that I knew what I was doing. It wasn't per-say the guilt that I felt like I was replacing Alaina, but the fear of imperfection.

"Lulu…I want you to know that If I did what I thought I was going to do to that little boy, that I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Lulu, you saved me. From doing the worst thing in the world, from killing myself."

I looked up at him, and pulled his chin to mine, and touched my lips to his.

I turned my attention back to my baby. "What are we going to name him?"

"I don't know. Whatever you want."

"I like Lucas."

"Lucas it is."

"Lucas Damien?""No."

I laughed. "Right."

"Lucas Cameron Zacharra."

"I like it Lu."

"Me too."

" I love you. Forever."

"Me too. Forever, and ever."

"And I love you to Lucas."

I smiled down to him, and kissed his forehead, and Johnny held me, and had his other hand wrapped in Lucas's.

* * *

**IF I GET 10 REVIEWS, I'LL MAKE CHAPTER 6 A LEMON. SO REVIEW!**

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	6. Playlist

Hey all of you JOLU fans of** "_May Angels Lead You In_"** Here's the story's play list:

*Hear you me- Jimmy Eat World

*Breath me- SIA

*Realize- Colbie Caillat

*Til' Summer Comes Around- Keith Urban

*Sober- Kelly Clarkson

*Why- Rascal Flatts

*What Hurts The Most- Rascal Flatts

*Broken- Lifehouse

*Breathless- Better Than Ezra

*Redeem Me- Ace Young

*All Alone- Chris Richardson

*Change- Kimberley Locke

*You Found Me- The Fray

*Come Home- One Republic

*Apologize- One Republic

*The Scientist- Coldplay

*Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely- Backstreet Boys

*Behind Your Eyes- Jon Foreman

*Right Here- Brandy

*Wherever You Will Go- The Calling

*I'd Come For You- Nickelback

*Twisted- Carrie Underwood

*Can't Stop The Rain- Cascada

*Vindicated- Dashboard Confessional

*Used To- Daughtry

*What Sarah Said- Death Cab For Cutie

*Touch My Hand- David Archuleta

*Hello- Evanescence

*Think Of You- Fine Frenzy

*Red Sam (Acoustic)- Flyleaf

*Iris- The Goo Goo Dolls

*The Reason- Hoobastank

*Collide- Howie Day

*Fighting For My Life- Kara Dioguardi

*It's Only Life- Kate Voegele

*Over It- Katharine McPhee

*Because Of You- Kelly Clarkson

*The Real Thing- Bo Bice

*Be Somebody- Kings of Leon

*Pictures Of You- The Last Goodnight

*Run- Leona Lewis OR Snow Patrol

*Unbeautiful- Lesley Roy

*I Don't Want To Want You- Lesley Roy

*From Where You Are- Lifehouse

*Walking Away- Lifehouse

*You and Me (Extended Wedding Version)- Lifehouse

*Once- Rascal Flatts

*Holdin' On- Rascal Flatts

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME!


	7. You Found Me

**CHAPTER 6; **

**THIS IS A NOTICE I'M POSTING.**

**PLEASE, IF YOU LIKE THIS STORY OR NOT, PLEASE REVIEW. I'M JUST NOT FEELING ANTYHING FOR THIS STORY WITHOUT ANY REVEIWS. COME ON GUYS, GOSH!**

* * *

_FLASHBACK:_

"_Yes, or No. Are you breaking up with me to be with Maxie?"_

"_It's not about Maxie, its about me."_

"_Oh, god, don't even start with that, I am so SICK of you being tortured, im so SICK of you being angry all the time and making it my fault."_

"_IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! IT'S MINE, IT HAS BEEN FROM THE START!"_

"_DON'T TELL ME YOU NEVER MEANT TO HURT ME, BECAUSE YOU ARE HURTING ME NOW!"_

**Maxie walks in**

"_Oh no, more drama?"_

"_Shut up Maxie. This has nothing to do with you."_

"_Yes. It does."_

"_WHAT!?""Maxie and I almost slept together the night of the blizzard."_

"_Excuse me?""Lulu-- I'm sorry--"_

"_MAXIE SHUT THE HELL UP! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"_

"_NO, IT ISNT LULU!"_

"_oh! NOW YOUR PROTECTING HER? YOU WANNA BE WITH HER?""Lulu…I've got nothing to loose so I'm not gonna lie."_

"_Nothing to loose? What about me, hu? Did you ever think about me? HU? ONCE!? While I was sitting alone crying and sick thinking of you, you were kissing this slut, not even thinking twice about it? YOU BASTARD!"_

"_Yes, Lulu. I am a bastard. And a coward. But I meant what I told you every single, minute I spent with you. I love you."_

"_OH! DON'T EVEN. SCREW THAT. SCREW YOU!"_

"_YOU KNOW WHAT LULU?! I HAVE TRIED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. BUT EVERYTIME SOMETHIN'S RIGHT, IT'S WRONG."_

"_NO! IT COULD HAVE BEEN RIGHT. YOU MADE IT WRONG."_

"_I GEUSS I DID."_

"_YES, YOU DID. SO IS EVERYTHING A LIE? DID YOU REALLY WANT OUT OF THE MOB, OR WAS THAT A LIE TOO?"_

"_YEA, IT WAS A LIE!""OH, GO TO HELL JOHNNY! AHUGHH!"_

**Johnny goes for the door**

"_You know I really wish you'd have figured this all out before you told me you loved me!!"_

"_ME TOO!""AUHHHHA!"_

_I found God On the corner of First and Amistad Where the west Was all but won All alone Smoking his last cigarette I said, Where you been? He said, Ask were you When everything was falling apart?_

_ All my days Were spent by the telephone That never rang And all I needed was a call It never came To the corner of First and Amistad Lost and insecure you found me Lying on the floor Surrounded, surrounded Why'd you have to wait?_

_ Where were you, where were you? Just a little late You found me, You found me In the end Everyone ends up alone Losing her The only one who's ever known Who I amWho I'm not, and who I want to be No way to know How long she will be next to me Lost and insecure You found me, you found me Lying on the floor Surrounded, surrounded Why'd you have to wait? Where were you, where were you?_

_ Just a little late You found me, You found me Early morning The city breaks I've been calling For years and years and years and years And you never left me no messages You never sent me no letters You got some kind of nerve Taking all I want Lost and insecure You found me, you found me Lying on the floor Where were you, where were you? Lost and insecure You found me, you found me Lying on the floor Surrounded, surrounded Why'd you have to wait? Where were you, where were you? Just a little late You found me, You found me Why'd you have to wait To find me, to find me?_

END OF FLASHBACK.

**LULU POV**

For the first time in months, I thought about that night. So now here I am, in the hospital, alone, crying my eyes out thinking about something that should seem so small by now. I have a beautiful little baby boy, the man I have always loved back where he always needed to be; with me, and yet, I still managed to upset myself beyond belief.

"Lulu?"

I looked over to the door, and looked into his eyes.

"Hey."

"You okay?"

He walked over next to me, and sat next to me on the bed.

"Lulu? You alright?" He asked as he wiped a tear from my eye.

"Tell me you love me.""Lulu. I love you. I always have, always will. I swear."

"Thank you."

"Baby, tell me what's wrong.""That night. April ninth, two thousand nine. Four o nine PM."

He took my face in his hand, and stroked my cheek. He leaned down, and took my top lip between his, and sucked lightly. I wrapped my hands around his forearms. He knew exactly what day I was talking about.

"Lulu, don't think about that night. Just focus on the little boy that we have now. He needs his mommy. And his daddy." He cocked his head to one side.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I was about to do.

"Johnny, I can't do this. You have to take him. Please."

Johnny looked at me, looking pale as a ghost. "W-what?""Johnny, you have to take Lucas. Be his dad. But Johnny, I can't be his mom. Please, just…just go." I handed him Lucas, and watched as he slowly got up.

"Lulu…"

"Johnny. JUST GO!" I yelled. He backed up, and finally turned around, and left.

* * *

**A YEAR AND EIGHT MONTHS LATER**

I walked onto the property of Kelly's diner, and walked toward the doors. I heard a shriek come from behind me, so I turned around.

There she sat. At one of the outdoor tables, with Lucas in her lap, bouncing him up and down. I turned back around, ready to leave, when she called out my name.

"Lulu!" I turned around to her. "What?""Ugh, you know, he's getting so big. I just can't believe he's already twenty months old. You want to hold him?"

"You bitch." She was flaunting _my own _baby in front of _my _face.

"W-what did I say wrong, Lulu?"

"Johnny may be with you, but mark my words, he does NOT love you." I looked at Lucas, and he smiled at me, with that big baby smile.

I could feel the tears building, so I just left.

Once I got back to the apartment, I sat down on the couch, and started crying uncontrollably. I knew I should never have left Lucas, or Johnny. I felt guilty, and I wanted them both more than I wanted life.

* * *

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